My Earliest Memories of Fatherhood
- Published onFebruary 8, 2024
- Written byBrett Knighton
- Dad Chapters
When someone asks me what to expect as a new father, I’m immediately reminded of how fast my daughter is growing up.
Whether it’s this question specifically or a picture from her infant years, I have a hard time remembering what it was like.
Everyone always tells you time flies, and they’re right.
You can try your best to prepare for it, but until you experience it yourself, you’ll never truly know how fast fast actually is.
Her first year on this earth and my first year being a dad are mostly a blur to me.
It probably has a lot to do with the lack of sleep and the complete 180-degree change in my daily routine, but the idea of not being able to recall much of what happened during her infant stage bothered me.
The more I thought about it, the more motivated I was to remember.
After all, with a new one on the way, there’s no better time to try and refresh my memory.
The First Night
One of the very first memories I have of being a dad was the night we brought our daughter home from the hospital.
To this day, I don’t think there’s a book I could have read or a word of advice from an experienced parent that could have prepared me for that night.
And to think, we were trying to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. HA!
Side note – I’m not trying to scare any new parents with what you’re about to read. It all works out in the end, but I think sharing this and reminding myself of what to expect is important.
Other than a 14-pound yorkie poodle, it was the first time my wife and I were responsible for keeping something alive.
That night, I was worried about every little thing. Any unusual noise or lack thereof was a reason for me to get up and check in on her.
And there’s my wife. A woman who just went through labor, trying to get some sleep, and I’m huddled up next to her, asking her a thousand questions.
“What was that sound? Is she ok?”
“Did she roll over on her stomach?”
“Is the swaddle on right?”
“Did she stop breathing!?“
It was the scariest night I’ve ever experienced in my life.
But there’s a reason why I wanted to share this memory.
It’s easy to look back and say this now, but once I was able to get through the first few nights (and multiple midnight texts and phone calls to my mom), I was ok. And my daughter was ok.
I had to understand it was all just something new. It was something I wasn’t used to, but it was an experience I had to go through for things to become easier.
And they did.
Once I accepted that, I wasn’t jumping up at every noise. And my wife could finally catch some sleep between feeding sessions.
Now, if I could only pass this lesson down to my daughter today as we potty train her. I’d be thrilled!
The Initial Connection
My other memories aren’t filled with how many diapers I changed or the lack of sleep I got. I honestly couldn’t even tell you when that stopped.
Most of them stem from when she could look back at me in my eyes, and we could directly connect with each other.
Just knowing she could see me (even if it was just an outline) changed everything for me.
From the elongated “MOOOOs” and incessant snorting to the peculiar ways I contorted my body into song and dance, I wanted to find any way I could to connect with her.
Even if I got the tiniest grins, I was a happy dad.
To me, that was her way of saying, “I could get used to you”. And the feeling was mutual.
She won’t be able to remember any of these silly moments we had together, but I consider them to be the most important.
These instances of unspoken bonding were the building blocks that helped shape our relationship today and are what I think played a massive role in my journey to becoming a father.
Final Thoughts
There’s a lot to learn as a new dad, and there might even be times when you question if you’re any good at it.
But try to keep in mind these challenges are just temporary.
For me, most of the challenging moments disappeared from my memory until I wrote this.
I had to force myself to remember how heavy my shoulders felt from the added responsibility of caring for a human.
I even had to revisit the fears that came along with becoming a new dad.
Once you get into a routine, everything starts to get a little easier.
Try to enjoy the little moments of connection with your kid.
Lay down next to them, stare at them, and watch what they do.
It’s fascinating.
And take it all in because it’s gone in a flash.
These are the moments you’ll want to remember forever.
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